The Silent and Brave revision: Page #68

Here is my new query letter. I would love to hear some comments: like it, hate it, think it doesn’t flow, need more info, whatever. This is what I’m sending out to agents right now.

Dear Agent,

The secret to everlasting life lies beneath an ancient fortress hidden in a range of forbidden mountains. It is surrounded by rivers of dark matter that swallow everything they touch, and can only be reached by climbing through a haunted canyon. For those who do reach it, the fortress is surrounded by a frozen lake and guarded by a force of unkillable soldiers. This is Malvada, the land of the Teilarata.

My name is Ted Wallenius. I am an aspiring author living in the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas near Virginia City, Nevada. The geography and mining history of the richest silver mines in the history of the United States inspire the setting of my quartet of fantasy novels called The Peaceful, Brave, and Just.

This a high concept series, and here’s the hook. In Malvada, all roads are deadly to the touch. Instead of being useful, they are repositories of dark matter, barriers to travel and prosperity that caused the collapse of civilization. Anything that falls into them disappears forever. We covered Earth with these things. In my fantasy world, Earth strikes back.

The first book in the series, The Peaceful and Just, is 47,315 words. It begins when the champion arrives at a free market on the edge of the Teilarata state. The champion is the savior spoken of in the Talevala, an epic poem which describes the uniting of the four wards that contain all the knowledge of humanity. The four wards are: Arlat, the ward of genetics; Birrigat, the ward of time; Los Lewr, the ward of matter; and Chalcis, the connection of all things.

The champion is followed to the market by a Teilarata keeper. When he refuses to join the Teilarata, soldiers destroy the market and abduct him, leaving behind three young survivors who decide to travel to the fortress to try and save the champion and the world from the Teilarata.

Thank you for taking the time to read my submission. Please ask me for the rest of the novel. If you would like to know more about me and my story, please read my blog at–and you know the rest.